Down and (hopefully) Up Again!

Last week’s blood test was a shocker – my platelet count was down to 33, with the pathologist flagging it as ‘marked thrombocytopenia’. Yikes!!

I feared they were falling from the previous reading of 50, as my gums had started bleeding when I clean my teeth, and I had one possibly unexplained bruise.

So my doctor had a little chat with me – and pushed the box of tissues over as my tears started to flow. This is serious stuff. Whether I like it or not (definitely not), I am seriously ill, and if those platelets don’t start climbing again, I could end up back in hospital.

So, despite my wishing it otherwise, we have increased the steroid dose to 5mg a day. I tried to bargain for 3mg, but was over-ridden. “Better to overshoot and be able to cut back later than to undershoot and have you back in hospital,” she said. I know when to give in gracefully.

Fortunately the Chinese herbs are having positive effects on other aspects of my blood chemistry. While my white blood cells (the neutrophils in particular) are still low, they are back over the danger line. My haemoglobin count has also improved, and is almost out of the anaemia trough.

Because this herbal mixture was giving me unwelcome bloating and some diarrhoea, it’s been tweaked to remove the offending herb. I’ve also found the mix is easier to take if it's made like a cup of tea – ie- diluted twice as much (not halving the dose but adding more hot water).

Food for Thought

My diet has been modified even further, mainly because of my muddle-headedness (or wishful thinking). When my doctor told me to cut out all raw fruit and vegetables and sugar, and eat only warm, cooked food, I thought she also said “and maintain a completely wheat-free diet.” Hence my discovery that eating porridge with salt is much more pleasant than having it laden with golden syrup or brown sugar.

But of course that’s not what she meant, and she said it more clearly this time. “Maintain a completely gluten-free diet.” Umm, that makes life more difficult, especially first thing in the morning. I have trained my body to need breakfast, the most important meal of the day. However, I am always dopey for the first hour or so of the morning, even without the steroid/exhaustion-induced random hedgehog munching my brain, but I can more or less make porridge in my sleep. Plus oatmeal is good for controlling high levels of LDL cholesterol.

Now breakfast will have to be (a) left-overs from the night before – (can I face them?); (b) home-made savoury muffins reheated in the microwave; or (c) toast made from disgustingly bland and crumbly gluten-free bread.

Still Tired and Weepy

It’s been a long hard week, and I have serious decisions to make about my future in terms of how I survive financially when I’m in no state to work more than a few hours a week. Not only does my body feel exhausted, but my brain too – what my doctor calls “brain fag”. This is a problem common to many people faced with a severe illness that becomes chronic, and financial stress can make it harder to relax and recover.

I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! How many chronically ill people must echo my cry?

I know that with my doctor’s help I will a reach a stage where my ITP is managed; when the factors destroying my platelets are balanced by factors that support them without damaging my immune system too much.

I know that when that point is reached I will have much better levels of energy and a more regularly functioning brain – instead of the short bursts of both I have at the moment. And then life will return to something more like normal. But that’s a way down the track, and I have to face the short-term challenges created by a much reduced income.

Always Look on the Bright Side…

This week’s bright side: the higher dose of steroids has blocked out the pain from my arthritic joints and tight neck after only two days. Marvellous!

Also marvellous are my friends, who have rallied round me with empathy and useful good advice (not all good advice is useful). Thank you. You know who you are.

Going down!

Two more blood tests – now weekly - and it’s clear that as the steroid dose goes down, so alas, do my platelets. The pathologist is now marking my thrombocytopenia as ‘moderate’, with the latest reading at 53 (thousand). My haemoglobin count has gone down to 112 and ‘mild anaemia’, and my white cells are also disappearing too, though only just below the safety zone of 4.

So – it’s not a one-off idiopathic event, but as I feared all along, it’s ongoing and will need careful management.

At this stage, my doctor and I are experimenting – within clear clinical guidelines – to see how my body will respond to some Chinese herbs to boost my blood cells and support my spleen.
I now have a mix of 10 powdered herbs – zhi huang qi, bai shao-sheng, dang gui, dang shen, bai zhu-chao, shu di, chuan xiong, rou gui, fu ling and zhi gan cao – to take in hot water twice a day. They initially tasted pretty awful, but I’ve found by diluting them more than the instructions said, they not only taste bearable, but are less likely to give me diarrhoea!

I don’t know what the western or common names for these herbs are, but there is certainly liquorice in the mix! This makes the herbal ‘tea’ almost enjoyable once I worked out a dilution that meant I could mostly only taste the liquorice.

We have also stopped weaning me off the steroids, so I’m sitting on 1mg a day until I see the doctor in a week’s time, when we might have to bump it back up to 2 mg.

Let your food be your medicine

As well as the Chinese herbs, I’m on a strict diet to avoid stressing my body too much. I’ve been eating what I believed to be a healthy diet of green salads every lunchtime, occasional mid-morning or mid-afternoon snacks of raw celery and carrot sticks, as well as apples and cantaloupe pieces. I’ve never been all that fond of raw veggies, and apples are the main fruit I like, but I knew that salads and fresh fruit were healthy, so I persisted.

Well, seems I was wrong, again. At least for now. I’ve been told to only have well cooked vegetables and stewed fruit, as it’s draining energy from my body trying to digest the raw produce. That’s actually what I prefer, and how I used to consume my fruit and veg, until I decided to get really healthy!

The harder part of the diet to follow is the restriction on sugar. Sugar reduces the effectiveness of the immune system, by deactivating the white blood cells, specifically the neutrophils which attack bacteria such as Staphylococcus aureus and Escherichia coli. Since I have a lowered white cell count anyway, it would be foolish to diminish their fighting powers.

So no sugar in coffee, no cakes or biscuits, no honey or marmalade on my toast, and no sugar on my morning porridge. It would actually be a total prohibition, but stewed fruit would taste pretty awful without a tiny amount of sweetness (and I refuse to eat chemical artificial sweeteners)! Porridge tastes surprisingly pleasant without sugar and with just a tiny amount of salt.

Still tired, & now weepy

It’s depressing at times to find how easily I tire, and how little energy reserves I have. A walk to the park with a stroll around the duck pond, and then home again, can still knock me out for a couple of hours afterwards.

My brain feels like it has a hole in it, where the neurons have frayed apart, so I stop suddenly, mid-sentence, waiting for a neuron to bridge the gap and bring the word or thought back.

I have days when I’m shaky and a little weepy – some of which can be blamed on the steroid reduction, and some of it on the generally distressing situation.

On the plus side

On the bright side, my kidneys are almost back to normal – coffee tastes good again, yay!! My cholesterol count is rapidly dropping back to a safe level.

And, although I don’t know what I weigh this week, I can squeeze into more clothes and shoes, so I know the weight and swelling are going down somewhat. Still have the pumpkin face, but I have a sharp new haircut and a vivid purple hair.

More Numbers, More Patience!

Another blood test, another visit to my GP, another set of numbers to crunch and digest. And more patience expected of me – never the world’s most patient person.

The bad news is that my platelets seem to be trending down as the steroid dose is reduced. The last four readings have been 153, 177, 149, and this week’s one, 127. While they’re still in the safe zone, above 100 (thousand), they are at the low end of safe, with the pathologist marking the last two readings as ‘mild thrombocytopenia.’

Alien Attack!

Of course, this then begs the question – why is my immune system intent on destroying my thrombocytes, and is there anything – other than destroying the immune system with corticosteroids – we can do to stop it?

It seems fairly likely that a virus infection, possibly the mild dose of ‘swine flu’ I had in October, triggered the immune system to view my thrombocytes as alien invaders to be destroyed quickly and efficiently. If they really were aliens – say, daleks or cybermen – I’d be very proud of my immune system, fighting them off with no sign of The Doctor anywhere close by.

But, wait – these aren’t aliens – these are necessary members of my corporeal community with important roles of their own! Apart from causing my blood to clot at any injury, my platelets also help wounds to heal. I just found out that their name, ‘thrombocytes’, literally means ‘clotting cells’ (Greek: thrombus – clot, cytos – cell).

What we need to do now is to find some way of getting my immune system to recognise that my platelets are on the same side of the war against the real, biological aliens – that they’re friends, not foes.

And in the meantime, keep the numbers up as the steroid dose goes down.

Unhappy Kidneys

I’m still peeing large amounts, but no longer vast cataracts of liquid, thank goodness. So my kidneys are gradually improving, but that funny, almost metallic, taste in my mouth that makes me want to suck peppermints all the time, is apparently a sign of the kidneys being damaged. Probably by the prednisone, but possibly by other lifestyle matters as well, such as my chronic irritable bowel.

The worst part of this, apart from a natural concern about the state of my kidneys, is that the taste in my mouth is affecting my enjoyment of coffee. Suddenly coffee doesn’t taste so good any more!

If my kidneys are still not happy next time I see the doctor, she will prescribe some herbs (Chinese or European, I’m not sure which) to cheer them up. These will probably taste foul, but I won’t know, until my kidneys are functioning properly and I no longer have that strange taste in my mouth.

Still on the Wagon

Apart from celebratory drinks with friends over Christmas, I haven’t touched any alcohol for three months. Not even on my recent birthday! I’m not a heavy drinker now I’m not in my 20s, but I do enjoy a glass or two or red wine with a meal, and/or the occasional whisky. In the summer, I like a Cinzano Rosso or Sec over ice.

Now, remaining teetotal, while not a huge struggle, is an ongoing disappointment. A gentle pleasure denied me by this stupid disease. So I’d hoped that the steroid dose was low enough at 1.5mg that I could be allowed a glass of red wine with my evening meal. I was even prepared to barter my daily mug of coffee for an evening tipple.

Nope! No way! In fact, the barter had to go the other way. My doctor was prepared to allow me my daily coffee (though she’d rather I didn’t) in return for a promise to stay off the demon drink. I was tempted to quote St Paul’s advice to her: “take a little wine for thy stomach’s sake” , but I don’t think she’d have been amused. (Besides, modern translations probably say 'non-alcoholic wine', and what’s the point of that?)

It seems my poor body is not strong enough yet for strong liquor – not even an environmentally friendly and very smooth blend of South Australian shiraz and merlot.

Weaning Ever So Slowly

What with the kidneys, and the headaches I've had off and on, and the lethargy/feeling like a lump of lead, or the days when I can't stay awake, it seems I'm still cutting down the steroids a touch too fast. So instead of going from 1.5mg to 1mg this week, I have to take a smaller jump - more of a hop, really - to 1.25mg. I'll need a pill cutter for this, as the 1mg tablets are hard enough to break in half, let alone quarters.

This extra step adds at least another week to the 'getting off the bloody steroids' timetable. Maybe by the middle of March?

Now to the good news

Yes, there is good news, despite all my whingeing. While my weight remains the same, there are more days when I can get into my baggy green pants, and even occasionally squeeze into the stretch jeans (hiding my muffin top under a loose shirt or smock). Various swollen bits are going down – my bras almost fit, my face is a bit less pumpkin-like, and yesterday’s great achievement: I could get my feet into a real pair of shoes again!

The hot, steamy, tropical weather has ended too, with the start of early autumn. The humidity has gone, there is less bite in the sun, but it’s still gorgeous weather. Though this has no connection with weaning off the steroids, or being good about staying off the booze, it has certainly improved my psychological and physical ability to deal with both of those!

Doing the Numbers

Well, the numbers in my blood tests go up and down like my belly - which a couple of weeks ago shrank so I could fit into my baggy green summer pants, and this week swelled again, so I looked 6 months pregnant in anything that would actually go on and was decent enough to wear in public.

My platelet count is yo-yoing with every blood test I have – 202, 153, 177, 149. My doctor says not to worry at this stage – I’m going down through the steroid dose so fast that it’s not surprising that the thrombocytes are bouncing. The crunch will be when we get me right of the prednisone, then we’ll see which way the platelets are heading.

And my weight – is that going up or down? It’s certainly up since I was last weighed, coincidentally on the day I was later rushed to hospital. Then it was 67kg (148lbs, 10.5 stone). Now it’s 73kg (161lbs, 11.5 stone). In three months I’ve put on a stone in the “old language”, or 6 kilos. Six kilos!! It feels more like 10! But as this is the first time I’ve been weighed since starting the steroids in November, I don’t know if my weight is increasing or decreasing. Clothes are no longer a reliable guide to body size!

Other Good Numbers

I'm pleased to see that my sodium levels are back to normal (no more salt tablets), as are my calcium, magnesium and sodium. My kidneys are still struggling, but are better than they were.

While my total cholesterol levels are really quite high, they’re coming down as the steroids go down, and my haemoglobin, which had dropped just below the normal range, is back up where it should be.

Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

For the past few weeks I’ve had relatively easy run dropping the steroid dose by 1mg every few days. But as I’ve got closer to the magic number of 1mg a day, the trip has been increasingly bumpy, and my doctor warns me to slow down, I’m going much too fast as I try to wean my body off it’s dependence on corticosteroids.

This week, as I’ve come down from 4mg to 3mg to 2mg, the bad reactions in the morning have returned, and I’ve lost two whole days to palpitations, shakiness, lethargy and headaches. (The hot and very sticky humid weather we’re having hasn’t helped either!).

Now I must go back to driving slowly and cautiously, as on a narrow, winding, mountain road, with my fog lights on, and a possible milk tanker or log truck up ahead. No more nipping along with the top open, whistling cheerily as I zip around the downhill curves.

In other words, I must stay on this 2mg dose for a week, before cutting back by half a milligram to 1.5mg for another week, before even thinking about getting down to 1mg.

Vitamin D Revisited

Last time I saw my doctor, she told me to stop taking any Vitamin D supplements, and attempted to explain to me about the different forms of Vitamin D.

I have reread the article on Vitamin D she recommended, and it’s moderately scary stuff.

For starters, it seems that ‘Vitamin’ D is not a vitamin at all. According to the molecular biologists at the Institute of Biomedical Research in Birmingham, England, it’s “a potent immunomodulatory seco-steroid” - a steroid-like molecule which is able to control the activity of the immune system. When taken in high doses, it is an immunosuppressor – as if I needed another one!

There are other interesting facts highlighted in the article, with links to clinical studies and peer-reviewed papers. For instance, that normally healthy people and even chronically ill people are not deficient in ‘Vitamin’ D, and don’t need high doses of this seco-steroid.

And, importantly, that ‘Vitamin D’ does not stop osteoporosis.

This is research I’ll need to keep an eye on, as there is so much emphasis currently on getting enough ‘Vitamin’ D for its suggested health benefits, especially for people over 60.

Meanwhile, I will take my foot off the steroid reducing accelerator and practice patience instead.

Ups and Downs on the Steroid Rollercoaster

Today I had my second session with my new ‘wonder worker’ GP. I reported how I’m dropping the steroid dose (1 mg every 2 days) and how much better I've been feeling. In particular, that my brain is a lot clearer, and my energy levels higher, though neither of them as good as they were before November 11 (ITP day).

While she was delighted with my progress, the good dr brought me back down to earth, warning me that the last few milligrams - in particular the last milligram - of prednisone is the hardest to wean the body off, and it might take some days of taking halves or even quarters of that last 1 mg tablet.

As she pointed out, when I did the steep drop from 20 mg to 15mg, I was reducing the dose by 25%. Last week I went from 13 mg to 12 mg (7%), and this week from 8mg to 7mg (12.5%). Next week I’ll be going down to 4mg, with the drop from 5 to 4 being a whole 20%.

But when it comes down from 2 mg to 1mg, that’s a BIG drop of 50%. She warned me I might have some really nasty experiences dealing with such a proportionately steep drop - even the possibility of depression again – as well as palpitations etc.

But hey, that’s two weeks, and two blood tests away!

Oh, What a Tangled Web…

No, I haven’t been deceitful – I’m referring to the immensely complex and convoluted physiological web that is the human body, especially when you add in various pharmaceuticals.

One of the unexpected side-effects of all this intervention has been the sudden oedema (swelling) of my legs. In particular the left leg, which swells up gradually during the day & never fully subsides during sleep. It becomes very tight and shiny and quite hot, & I cannot put the fat foot in any shoes other than my loose plastic clogs, or my very old gym shoes, just barely laced together.

This is partly a response to my too enthusiastic adoption of salt tablets to correct my sodium imbalance (even though I’m taking less than the minimum three the label suggest), combined with my own (unadvised) halving of my daily dose of Karvea, to reduce the enormous volume of pee each night. Wrong, wrong, wrong!! Apparently I need to keep peeing vast cataracts every night, to drain out all the fluid I’m storing in my face and now my legs.

Joint Pains, but Not from the Steroids

As part of this week’s general discomfort, along with the return of nightly leg cramps (though not as severe as before), I’ve also been experiencing pain in all my arthritic joints. And in my neck, shoulders and ribs. For these, I can blame the steroids, but only indirectly.

The problem is I’m cattywampus, and my joints are all complaining. ‘Cattywumpus’ is a lovely word I’ve learned from my daughter’s American friends. It means askew, off beam, ain't quite right, what I’d call ‘skew whiff’.

Normally I’d be having a massage about every 6 weeks, and seeing my osteopath every 3 or 4 months for an adjustment, as well as doing all my appropriate exercises. But a lack of income, combined with one of the few positives of steroid treatment – masking of joint pain – meant I’d ignored my skeletal needs. Now the steroid dose has dropped low enough for my complaining joints to get my attention.

Did Someone Mention Vitamin D?

When my other GP told me some weeks ago that I was low in Vitamin D, I did the right thing. I gave away my sunscreen to a friend whose pale skin burns at the mere thought of sunshine, and bought a calcium supplement fortified with Vitamin D.

Of course, once I started on the magnesium supplement to counteract the leg cramps, I had to stop the calcium, as the two chemicals compete with one another for the same sites on the cell membranes, so it’s best not to take them at the same time. Being concerned about my thin bones, I questioned Dr ND today about calcium and Vitamin D and how I was to protect myself from osteoporosis.

There followed a convoluted biochemical lecture on the types of Vitamin D in the body – stored and activated – which I confess I didn’t follow completely, and will need to read the literature on, before I get my head around it, let alone explain it to anyone else.

As far as I can gather, I have too much of the activated type, and I don’t need to be trying to store any more of the other one (from supplements and/or sunshine). While the thin bones are a concern, it seem we have to put then to one side until we have completed the arduous task of weaning me off the prednisone, and getting the steroid residue out of my system.

Looking On The Bright Side

Yes, there are bright spots from today’s visit. I’m doing better than expected in dropping the dose down without too many problems. I do have more energy and brain power, even if my strength and endurance are still way below what I’d like.

And best of all, despite the swollen legs and feet, and still swollen face, my belly fat is going down!! Today I was able to squeeze into my wide-legged khaki-green linen pants – the same pants that last summer were too loose and needed a belt to stay up, and only a month ago would not go near me.

I may not be able to get my shoes on, but I can wear my favourite summer pants again. Yay!

So Long and Thanks for All the Fish

Today I farewelled my haematologist – he’s off overseas for several weeks – but I also farewelled him from managing my condition. First up, I have another beautiful number – 202,000, so I am well and truly back in the land of people with a full complement of thrombocytes in their blood.

Secondly, I’ve finally met the doctor who respects my experience of the way my body works and responds to different chemical stimuli, and who is going to work WITH me, to help me manage my condition in the way that is best for me.

This is the wonderful Dr N D, the GP I’ve waited so long to meet, who treats people with ITP with Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) as well as up to the minute western medicine.

The Patient Knows Their Own Body Best

Dr ND hasn’t given me Chinese herbs, as they wouldn't work now I no longer have ITP symptoms of severe bruising and risk of internal bleeding. Instead, she’s helping to wean me off the steroids, much more gently than the haematologist. Apparently my body is just not adjusting to the huge drops on the dose every two weeks - 10 mg at a time - and it takes most of the fortnight to settle to that level, then we do the big drop again. That's why I have such a severe response most days - so severe that some days all I can do is lie on the couch. My poor body is pharmaceutically over-stressed!

So now I’m cutting back much more gradually, by 1mg a fortnight, a week or every few days, depending how I respond. The responsibility is mine to decide when to make the next cut, as “the patient knows their own body best”. I’m keeping a diary of what dose I take and what reaction I have to it, both positive and negative.

At the same time, we’ve split the dose in half, to be taken twice a day instead of one big one. Just that move alone, four days ago, has greatly lessened the morning shakiness and palpitations, replaced now by an overwhelming sleepiness. I still lose up to an hour and a half each morning after my dose, but so much more enjoyably snoozing!

Today I’m down from 15mg to 13mg. I will stay on that for a couple more days, and aim to get down to 10mg in about a week.


The Complex Biochemical Equation of My Body

“What a piece of work is man,” Shakespeare remarked. Had he been a woman over 55, he might have added: ”and what an even greater piece of work is a post-menopausal woman!”

Dr ND took a number of blood samples for tests, not just for a platelet count. She says the thrombocyte count is just one factor, and it's a blunt instrument, so she's looking at what my adrenal gland is doing, what my blood sugar and insulin levels are, my kidney function and levels of chemicals like magnesium, calcium and sodium. We will repeat all these tests once a fortnight, or more frequently if necessary.

Twenty-four hours later she rang me with results. On the plus side, my thrombocyte count was over 150,000 and my blood sugar levels and insulin were normal (so no risk of Type2 diabetes). Cortisol, (the hormone produced by the adrenal gland, which can stop being produced when taking oral steroids) was also OK.

On the minus side, my kidney function was not looking good, my calcium levels were too high, and my blood sodium levels were way, way low. The good doctor said such low levels make the brain fuzzy, sluggish and confused, which would have amplified the nasty response to the steroids. In the worst cases, especially in frail elderly people, seizures may occur, possible coma and even death.

Why was my blood sodium so low? I asked. Well, the medication I’ve been taking for the past 18 months to manage my hypertension, Karvea (irbesartan), leaches sodium from the blood, and in fact, there is a warning about it being contraindicated in cases of sodium depletion.

Like many people on antihypertensive medication, or just being cautious about high blood pressure and possible heart disease, I've cut back severely on salt and salty foods for several years, and even feel a little guilty when enjoying salty treats like olives and hot Hungarian salami. And probably that was a wise precaution before I was prescribed irbesartan.

Goodbye Haematologist, Hello Real Personal Responsibility

When I saw my specialist this morning, I very tactfully discussed these changes with him. He was delightfully patronising, (if you like being patronised by what my more outspokenly feminist friends call a “male chauvinist pig”.) He knows my GP to be painstaking and competent, and after all, “managing steroids is not rocket science”.

When I said that splitting the dose had made such a difference to the intensity of my morning reaction, and that the magnesium supplement had calmed my painful leg cramps – both things I’d complained to him about in previous consultations – his response again was the “rocket science” comment. Yet not once had he suggested any means to me to alleviate what he’d always dismissed as “common side effects”.

So I thanked him very prettily, and he congratulated me on my new number – 202,00 – which he assured me meant that my ITP episode was over (!), and we parted with relief on both sides.

Taking Responsibility isn’t Easy, but it’s the Only Way

I have been so lucky, firstly with a good healthcare system that I can get medical and hospital care paid for out of my taxes, and secondly to find good primary care practitioners (GPs), like the one I’ve had for a few years, and my new ‘angel’, Dr ND.

Nevertheless, it's been up to me to research my condition and try to understand every aspect of it, and then to argue with the relevant doctor until I can take full responsibility for my actions and my health (as far as it’s amenable to my will).

And that, I think is the case for all of us, whatever the health condition we have to deal with. It’s your body – own it!

A Life Lesson Finds Me Grumpy

This week I’ve been faced with learning another of life’s lessons, and for all I ‘m trying to be positive, it’s left me grumpy and feeling sorry for myself.

A few days ago, I went to my local hairdresser to get my hair cut and to chat with the pretty girl who does it about options for colour, as the reddish purple I‘ve been using lately fades too fast in Australia’s strong sunshine. It also doesn’t suit my red, swollen pumpkin face.

This girl, Anna, has long blonde hair, and looks like an archetypal Disney cartoon heroine.

When I first met her, four months ago, she was lively and animated. This day, she looked tired. Knowing that she had, some time in the recent past, also been on steroids, I was complaining about how I hated them - how fat I am, how I barely have anything that fits me, how I hate my puffed up face and the lack of sleep, and the loss of energy, etc, etc.

Then she told me she was living with something like chronic fatigue, and that she frequently has days when an hour after getting up, she needs to lie down again, because she's exhausted. She had been working full-time at the hairdresser's, but has had to cut her hours back, as she's not strong enough, and has been advised to try to rest.

"I’m only 25, I don't want to be resting!", she said. Poor kid! I felt so selfish & egotistical! I vowed to stop complaining right there and then.

One Good Day, Two Bad Ones

But it’s not that simple, and I figure I can complain here, even if I keep my mouth shut in public. I know I’m not as sick as Anna, but there are far too many days when these blasted steroids make me feel as if I am! If I have one good day, in which I feel almost normal (as long as I don’t catch sight of my face in the mirror), it’s almost inevitable that the next, and often the one after that, will be spent lying on the couch, barely able to move or think.

For example, yesterday morning I went for a gentle walk before breakfast. I went to the big local park, usually an easy 10 minute walk for me. I didn’t push myself, but enjoyed stretching my legs and breathing the fresh air, and got to the duck pond in 20 minutes.

Then I sat for about 20 minutes, watching the birds, looking at reflections in the water, loving the trees around me, enjoying the sight of people walking their dogs. I walked slowly home, sitting at a bus stop halfway along for another rest break. I was home about an hour after I’d left and I was feeling good!

After breakfast, I took my steroid dose, and promptly lost one and a half hours to the shakes, palpitations and energy drop. I lay on the couch, wrapped in a sweater, and dozed.

About mid-morning, I felt it lift a bit, and went into my office to attempt some freelance writing. I managed about two hours, slowly, of writing and reading research, but by lunchtime knew I had to give up. The afternoon was spent on the couch - and there was no cricket to watch, the only daytime tv I like! My eyes were so blurry I couldn’t read, but I managed a little knitting, in between shivering and dozing.

Today is a little better. My brain is working at half-speed, so I can just manage this blog, but my energy is barely above couch level. And my positive attitude is having difficulty maintaining altitude.

I know I will get better. I know I will be off the steroids in another six weeks or so. If I’m lucky, the ITP will truly be idiopathic and never return, though it’s far more likely it will recur on occasion, necessitating some use of the steroids in the future.

Sadly, I also know from what Anna told me, that it can take at least two years after stopping before the steroid effects wear off completely and I resume my normal face and body. If ever!

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Ever since 'The Life of Brian', I’ve tried to live by that motto, as I’ve faced many of the life crises other women my generation experience – marriage breakdown, retrenchment, severely reduced income, some truly nasty things in my past needing to be acknowledged and dealt with.

Why should this health problem be any different? So, I’m going to sing along with Brian!